Unexpected encounter.

31 December, 2007 at 9:25 am (Filler) (, , , , , )

You know they say sometimes you might find good stuffs at the most unexpected places. Well, I was at Petaling Street 2 weeks ago (the real one not the .org ping site) where I parked the car at possibly one of the least secure place yet.

Since the car is as old as me, I figured what the hell? Anyone interested in a Corolla?

When I return to get the car I was quite surprised to see this one parked near mine:

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Not that I’m discriminating against fast, sexy, ridiculously expensive Italian car, but like I said this is one of the most dangerous place to park ones car. I wouldn’t even park a 20 year old Proton Saga(or a Persona, cause they’re pretty much the same) there let alone a Prancing Horse?

By the way, it was parked in front of a motel. Incidentally, this place that I have the (mis)fortune to park at looked very much like a red light district come night time.

Some rich people have pretty weird taste. Maybe they’re bored with super models, actresses and singers. Maybe they wanna sample some of the Petaling Street ‘delicacies’.

I’m jumping to conclusion. As usual.

Happy new year by the way. May there be less SNAFUs in your life come 2008.

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Booze that I never get to drink

27 December, 2007 at 1:57 pm (Misc pics, Mumblings) (, , , , , )

Alright now that Christmas is over, I’m sure a lot of you are looking forward for another booze fest this coming new year. Hell, maybe you’ll end up more wasted than on Christmas day itself cause y’know Christmas is supposed to be a religious affair after all, so it ain’t so nice to indulge too much on what was supposed to be a holyholiday.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t celebrate Christmas anymore. Yeap, I used to celebrate it when my grandparents were around. Now that they’re no longer around, my father’s not practicing anymore. Although I still very much believe I’m a free-thinker, my mother’s persuasion has slowly pushed me into the realm of Buddhism. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Ok, back to the subject of booze. For those who will be drinking this new year but at the same time decided to be an asshole by insisting on driving, here’s some tips on how to avoid killing other innocent road users:

1. Before going for a party, find a parking spot that has a very big tree nearby. Failing that, a ditch big enough to swallow your car would be good enough.

2. Now this part is VERY important, so pay attention bitches! You must execute this even under extreme influence of alcohol: Reverse 50 meters away from said tree(or ditch), then engage the 1st gear or D if you drive auto.

3. Rev your engine till 6000 rpm, at this point quickly release the clutch so that the wheel will start spinning. This will attract the attention of everyone nearby to look at what an idiot you are. Hey, if you’re already dumb enough to drink and drive why not do it to the max?

4. After about five seconds, your car would have already smashed into a tree (or ditch, depending on your preference) thus ensuring that nobody else will be harmed by your stupid act. Oh, just make sure nobody’s in front of your path before committing this stunt ok?

5. If you’ve succeeded, you should see a white tunnel with a dark background at this moment. Congratulations bastards! You’re on your way to hell!. However if you can still move your neck, please repeat step 2 to 4.

That’s it folks. Another public service announcement from UniG – The blog your mama warned you about.

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On the topic of booze, I found out a little new addition to my father’s liquor collection. Wait, before you mistake him for a drunkard, he’s not. He just likes collecting them. Weird, I know.

Here’s the new kid on the block:

Napoleon what? I have absolutely never heard of this brand before. But dad said it was famous, like in the 70’s.

The old boys:

Can anyone name another brand of American liquor other than Jack Daniels? 3, 2, 1, TIME’S UP BASTARDS! I’ll give you one – E & J. Straight from the US of A.

Another overpriced paint thinner from France. Just put them in a pretty bottle, slap some fancy stickers on and gave it a pompous name, and you’re on your way to make a killing.

I’m not particularly fond of whiskey or brandies or even beer. More of a wine/champagne kinda person. Sorry Monsieur Martell.

To make this post more multi-national, I’m gonna include this Scot or should I say scotch? I think this Black Label is the oldest booze in my father’s collection. since ’89 I believe. So 12 years plus another 18 would make this a 30 year old. Older than me! But then again the extra 18 years are kinda useless anyway since they were spent in a bottle and not in an oak barrel.

Haha, when I asked my father about this bottle of D.O.M., he said it wasn’t part of his collections! According to his wisdom, D.O.M isn’t true liquor but more like women’s health drink.Women’s health drink? With 40 percent alco? And I saw this served at a pub! How healthy is that?

Also found this empty bottle of Johnny Walker Swing somewhere. Funny how my father seems to have an affinity with Johnny Walker stuffs. He had a Red Label before. Finished it up with a friend 10 years ago. Said it smelled like (and presumably also tasted) like cockroach.

Blends in with the floor nicely.

I sense animosity here…

There’s also two cartons of beer (courtesy of my sister’s boyfriend) in the shelf. My father’s drinking it at a rate of about a can a month, so he’ll probably finished them up in oh I don’t know, 4 years? And since I’m away from home 9 months in a year, sorry dad. Can’t help you on that one.

Once we opened up a bottle of whiskey not because we wanted to drink it but because we used it to clean wounds, due to the absence of Dettol.
He said he’s gonna add a Chivas to his collections and some vodka too (but not Absolut or Smirnoff cause they’re a bit too common). And maybe an XO as well, preferably Remy Martin (cause the bottle is nice) or Martell. As for me, a Johnny Walker Blue Label would be good enough.

Oh wait, I found another bottle. But this time it’s from the kitchen:

My mother’s own collection haha.

A closer look:

44%? That’s like more than the Hennessy! But I’m pretty sure there’s another label behind it. One that is not likeur(sp) but more like varnish. You know, the kind you paint over your shitty wood projects back in Form 3 Kemahiran Hidup?

Why would I say that? Just look at the bottom of it:

Exactly what they spread on my parquet floor.

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You should hire me to do your ads.

21 December, 2007 at 2:09 pm (Funny pics) (, , , , , , )

We’ve all had our experiences when it comes to ads that are ineffective in conveying their message, to those that are stupid and downright insulting to our intelligence. The reason why some ads sucked were because the product itself is shitty so no amount of ads can save its ass, others because the product itself was badly named hence conjuring all sorts of nasty imaginations in the consumer’s perverted minds, as featured here before.

Most of the time, ads are ineffective because the ad companies simply fail to grasp the concept of effective marketing. Sure they might have fancy-schmancy 3D pictures with all sorts of funky design, yet they can’t seem to deliver the message properly.

Now this is where I came in. Armed with (limited) knowledge in advertisement acquired during 2nd year studies in complementary courses – marketing and basic business, I, the engineer wannabe will demonstrate to you why you should hire me to do your ads.

Let’s take this ad for illustration purposes (taken from the health mag with the uber-lame name – HealthToday) :

Just a kid pretending to look bored while simultaneously attempting to pass motion. And there’s the pic of a couple of bottles of dope supplements called Citrex at the bottom. On first inspection, nothing seems to be wrong with this ad except for one minor detail: TOO WORDY.

Any self-respecting consumer wouldn’t give two hoots to all the texts because there’s just too many of them. So herein lies the problem; people get distracted by the pic and can’t be bothered with what’s written. In fact a mere glance of this ad would leave most people scratching their nuts wondering hmmm, does this Citrex thing works to aid crap dumping or merely an antidepressant to eliminate depression and boredom resulting from sitting on a plastic shitbowl? My bet is with the second suggestion. Hence the ad has FAILED to deliver its true essence.

We live in a fast-paced world therefore information must be conveyed in an immediate manner with the least distraction as possible. It should be simple, succint, straight to the point like how a one night stand should be – wham, bam, thank you mam! Following that concept, I’ve come up with suitable texts to go along with the picture in the ad. You know, the kind of text that would return the balance to a disrupted equilibrium caused by the high-impact picture:

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See how I managed to deliver the message effectively with such few words? In fact, I only used a grand total of SIX alphabets to not only tell consumers that Citrex is a kind of kids-friendly laxative, but also informed them that the supplement is to be taken orally. Not injected nor shoved up the ass. Killed 2 birds with one stone. Genius!

Damn I’m good. And I’m not even expensive.

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Think you have the worst job? Well you haven’t seen this.

19 December, 2007 at 2:09 pm (Misc pics, Mumblings) (, , , , , , )

I was rotting on the couch last Sunday evening when something caught my eyes outside the window. It was far away, luckily with my ‘Heroes’ ability I managed to zoom in my vision and get a clear view of it though it’s like 5 km away. Immediately, I took out my FE, plug in the 400mm telephoto lens and started shooting.

When I say 5km I meant 500m, and when I say 400mm telephoto lens hat I really meant was the 2.8X built-in zoom on the FE. Not even 3X. Shit.

I did nonetheless try to attach a binocular to the FE but the pic didn’t turn out right. Problem with focusing I believe.

Though it does made the pic looked like it was taken from a sub’s periscope

I thought to myself, man that must be one of the toughest and most dangerous jobs in the world. While you and me spend our Sundays either lazing around or going out with friends and have a jolly good time, these guys up there risk their limbs and lives working at 150ft. All for the sake of ensuring you have electricity to use your computer, TV, air-cons, washing machine, that you’d be comfortable shopping in an air-conditioned complex and the clubs won’t be dark when you go for drinks.

I’ve had it with people whining and bitching about how much their job sucked, colleagues suck, lift not working, air-con not functioning, boss didn’t give you car company, hate being a ______ (insert blank space with engineer or accountant or stripper etc). Almost like the whole world owe them something and they should be given the best job i.e.: a CEO who signs checks and bangs the secretary everyday. Wake up ass-sniffers, this is the real world. Somebody’s gonna be the CEO and drive expensive cars but too bad it isn’t you.

Anyway my point is, if you think your job gives you hemorrhoids, then you have no idea how tough it is for these fellas. Let’s break it down into easy-to-read sub-points highlighting the little luxury’s you assholes have taken for granted:

1) Lift/stairs to your workplace:

Some people bitch about one of the lifts at their office was down and have to cramp using the remaining one. Some bitched about having to use the stairs ONCE IN A WHILE because the lift doesn’t work. BIG DEAL! Try climbing your way up 150 ft just to get to work. EVERYDAY. For these guys, getting to work doesn’t involve pressing some buttons that’ll then transport them to the 15th storey, but more like holding on to dear life hugging the scorching hot metal close to the bodies as they make their ascend, simultaneously hoping that the wind wouldn’t be strong enough to throw them off balance.

They even have to take a stair up there!

2) Toilet break:

I can’t recall how many blogs I read that kept on complaining about how the flush doesn’t work, toilet doesn’t smell good enough, how dirty the toilet is as if their shit is any cleaner. For those wiremen, toilet break doesn’t exist because if they need to relieve themselves, they’ll have climb all the way down and then climb back up. Risking limbs and lives in the
process (see reason no.1). Even if they do come down they’ll have to do their business in the BUSH because there’s no toilet nearby. Imagine halfway shitting, a cobra sneaks from behind and decides to sink its fangs on one of their nuts. And you thought slippery floor was dangerous enough?

3) Air-conditioning

“Oh, air-con not working today. Very hot, cannot work bla bla bla.” Geez shut the hell up will you? I took these pics around 1pm when the sun was the highest, beating the hell out those workers. If that’s not bad enough, they are working on an all metal structure which can get kinda hot after awhile. But this takes the cake:

They had scorching hot metal wire between their balls. If that’s not a recipe for impotence I don’t know what is.


4) Occupational hazard

Man, I can’t even begin to describe how dangerous what they’re doing. Even I felt the chills when I see them climbing up and down, walking on wires and lifting equipment with their hands. Sure they might have harness, but really nothing is 100% and there’s always a risk of malfunctioning equipment. From what I can see, the wind up there is pretty strong and all it takes is one gush of wind to knock them off balance.

Oh yeah there’s also the risk of getting struck by lightning since they are working on a metal structure. And since all the towers are connected, it takes only one lightning strike 50km away or one dumbass plant operator to accidentally turn on the switch and you’ll have hundreds of thousands of volts running through them. You can print this pic and put at your cubicle just to remind yourself that your job isn’t that bad after all.

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Ok, ok this post is getting too angsty and I don’t wanna sound preachy. So here’s something that (hopefully) will put a smile to your face. I imagined this would be what they’re saying:

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We are turning into a nation of morons. And other wtf news.

18 December, 2007 at 2:06 pm (Mumblings) (, , , , , )

I was reading The Sun(which rocked because it’s free) yesterday when I came across this interesting piece of article:

I don’t know which is more dangerous – a bunch of dumbasses sniffing glue and getting brain damage in the long run, or the same bunch of dumbasses sniffing chicken shit and get infected with bird flue AND spread them across the country causing widespread epidemic?

If this news is true, what I suggest we should do is dump all these moronic students into a large tank filled with chicken shit and stir the whole mass with a gigantic blender arm. This concoction should then be left to fester for a month and in the end we’ll end up with human-grade fertilizer.

What preventive measure they’re gonna take anyway? Close down all chicken farms? But whatever it is, this whole thing is pretty shitty. Yea, pun intended.

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More wtf news:

When I was a kid, my father always told me the difference between normal monks and shaolin monks during kung fu shows. According to him, normal monks are peaceful religious people who practice Buddhist principles of not submitting to violence no matter what happens. Even if they were beaten up, they can do nothing but just sit still. I know it’s pretty harsh but that’s the moral code they need to adhere to once they entered monk hood.

Shaolin monks on the other hand are basically people who learn martial arts AND practices monk way of life like becoming vegetarian, and pray and stuffs like that BUT they will use force if the situation calls for it. So, they’re not really true Buddhist monk in that sense, but merely kung fu people who practices Buddhism (to a certain level).

And then I saw this on today’s The Sun:

That is one hell of a perfectly-executed flying kick courtesy of a Cambodian Buddhist monk. I sure wouldn’t wanna be at the receiving end of that cheap shot. Telur goreng mata kerbau dua!

Even more wtf news,

Look at this headline:

Looks pretty normal eh? But another glance will prompt you to think why pardon the victim? What I mean is, since when the victim became the one punished in a crime hence requiring a pardon? The victim is the receiving end of a crime and now she’s thrown together with the same people who gang-raped her.

More snippets:

She appealed the sentence but that is what she got instead. I don’t consider myself as the protector of womenfolk or to a lesser extent; mankind but those shit the victim was handed with is pretty mucked up I think.

Hmm the judiciary system there certainly makes ours looked God-send doesn’t it?

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