Booze that I never get to drink

27 December, 2007 at 1:57 pm (Misc pics, Mumblings) (, , , , , )

Alright now that Christmas is over, I’m sure a lot of you are looking forward for another booze fest this coming new year. Hell, maybe you’ll end up more wasted than on Christmas day itself cause y’know Christmas is supposed to be a religious affair after all, so it ain’t so nice to indulge too much on what was supposed to be a holyholiday.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t celebrate Christmas anymore. Yeap, I used to celebrate it when my grandparents were around. Now that they’re no longer around, my father’s not practicing anymore. Although I still very much believe I’m a free-thinker, my mother’s persuasion has slowly pushed me into the realm of Buddhism. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Ok, back to the subject of booze. For those who will be drinking this new year but at the same time decided to be an asshole by insisting on driving, here’s some tips on how to avoid killing other innocent road users:

1. Before going for a party, find a parking spot that has a very big tree nearby. Failing that, a ditch big enough to swallow your car would be good enough.

2. Now this part is VERY important, so pay attention bitches! You must execute this even under extreme influence of alcohol: Reverse 50 meters away from said tree(or ditch), then engage the 1st gear or D if you drive auto.

3. Rev your engine till 6000 rpm, at this point quickly release the clutch so that the wheel will start spinning. This will attract the attention of everyone nearby to look at what an idiot you are. Hey, if you’re already dumb enough to drink and drive why not do it to the max?

4. After about five seconds, your car would have already smashed into a tree (or ditch, depending on your preference) thus ensuring that nobody else will be harmed by your stupid act. Oh, just make sure nobody’s in front of your path before committing this stunt ok?

5. If you’ve succeeded, you should see a white tunnel with a dark background at this moment. Congratulations bastards! You’re on your way to hell!. However if you can still move your neck, please repeat step 2 to 4.

That’s it folks. Another public service announcement from UniG – The blog your mama warned you about.

***

On the topic of booze, I found out a little new addition to my father’s liquor collection. Wait, before you mistake him for a drunkard, he’s not. He just likes collecting them. Weird, I know.

Here’s the new kid on the block:

Napoleon what? I have absolutely never heard of this brand before. But dad said it was famous, like in the 70’s.

The old boys:

Can anyone name another brand of American liquor other than Jack Daniels? 3, 2, 1, TIME’S UP BASTARDS! I’ll give you one – E & J. Straight from the US of A.

Another overpriced paint thinner from France. Just put them in a pretty bottle, slap some fancy stickers on and gave it a pompous name, and you’re on your way to make a killing.

I’m not particularly fond of whiskey or brandies or even beer. More of a wine/champagne kinda person. Sorry Monsieur Martell.

To make this post more multi-national, I’m gonna include this Scot or should I say scotch? I think this Black Label is the oldest booze in my father’s collection. since ’89 I believe. So 12 years plus another 18 would make this a 30 year old. Older than me! But then again the extra 18 years are kinda useless anyway since they were spent in a bottle and not in an oak barrel.

Haha, when I asked my father about this bottle of D.O.M., he said it wasn’t part of his collections! According to his wisdom, D.O.M isn’t true liquor but more like women’s health drink.Women’s health drink? With 40 percent alco? And I saw this served at a pub! How healthy is that?

Also found this empty bottle of Johnny Walker Swing somewhere. Funny how my father seems to have an affinity with Johnny Walker stuffs. He had a Red Label before. Finished it up with a friend 10 years ago. Said it smelled like (and presumably also tasted) like cockroach.

Blends in with the floor nicely.

I sense animosity here…

There’s also two cartons of beer (courtesy of my sister’s boyfriend) in the shelf. My father’s drinking it at a rate of about a can a month, so he’ll probably finished them up in oh I don’t know, 4 years? And since I’m away from home 9 months in a year, sorry dad. Can’t help you on that one.

Once we opened up a bottle of whiskey not because we wanted to drink it but because we used it to clean wounds, due to the absence of Dettol.
He said he’s gonna add a Chivas to his collections and some vodka too (but not Absolut or Smirnoff cause they’re a bit too common). And maybe an XO as well, preferably Remy Martin (cause the bottle is nice) or Martell. As for me, a Johnny Walker Blue Label would be good enough.

Oh wait, I found another bottle. But this time it’s from the kitchen:

My mother’s own collection haha.

A closer look:

44%? That’s like more than the Hennessy! But I’m pretty sure there’s another label behind it. One that is not likeur(sp) but more like varnish. You know, the kind you paint over your shitty wood projects back in Form 3 Kemahiran Hidup?

Why would I say that? Just look at the bottom of it:

Exactly what they spread on my parquet floor.

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1 Comment

  1. slowcatchupkuan said,

    my goodness ! where did u get all those booze! happy new year *hic *hic!

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