Astro Blows, Again.
I could have come up with a catchier title but I just couldn’t be bothered. Instead, I gave you this:
Asstro – Bearing the grunt of phallic aggression.
That’s a cacti you perves, as featured here before. I refrained from putting up a picture of my penis because it’s so big, your screen wouldn’t have enough resolution to show it. It’s just THAT big. You’ll need at least a 50-inch screen. And that’s just for the pubes.
From my previous post, a reader pointed out that the broadcast from Asstro is analogue despite the receiver stating that it was a ‘Digital Multimedia Terminal’. I’d have to agree with him though. Because my TV is like 10 years old and last time I checked, there isn’t any HDMI interface at the back of it. So where’s this digital crap that Asstro is misleading us with?
My theory is, the Digital Multimedia Terminal (DMT) works more or less like a over glorified modem. You see, a computer’s modem takes digital data and modulates them into analogue signal so they can be transferred through phone lines. Once the data arrives at another computer, the analogue signal is then demodulated back to digital data that the computer can understand.
Asstro’s DMT works the opposite way, data (could be analogue or digital) from the transmitter or the station are delivered in digital form through satellites. They arrive at your home and the DMT converts the digital data back to analogue signal because most TV’s in Malaysia has the ubiquitous AV jack.
Not much problem with that, right? WRONG. When data goes through conversion there’s bound to be some lost of quality. But the problem magnifies when digital data are converted to analogue signals. It’s like transferring songs from CDs to cassette tapes. Even if you have the best quality master CD, your song is only gonna be as good as the medium it’s recorded, in this case the tape.
Asstro has one of the most dubious tagline ever:
Who the hell’s life are you making richer, you Assholetro retards? That is such an intelligent and witty catch-phrase I swear I would have believed, if it wasn’t for the fact that the only people’s life getting richer is YOURS. Did your marketing assholes pulled that phrase out of their asses after getting high from fellating each other? Because the intelligence level of it goes between oh I don’t know, eating a slug and stuffing a colon cleansing tube down the throat. Just drop it Asstro, it’s not funny. You seriously believe you’re making our lives richer when you yourself are counting the billions you raked in each year?
The same reader has also pointed out that illegal satellite dishes offer much better picture quality than Asstro. I couldn’t agree more, just check out these bad boys from our neighboring country, Sarawak (Sarawak is another country, will do a post on that later) and compare them with Asstro’s pathetic dish:
Smaller than a freaking wok.
Picture taken at the backyard. A typical stroll around the neighborhood would see about 60 percent houses having AT LEAST ONE humongous satellite dish. They’re everywhere, from lowly squatters (or setinggardens like we call it here) right to the biggest and most pompous mansions. In fact, some have 2 or 3, or even more. Like this same house:
This dish is at the front yard. And it’s huge. If it falls, it could crush a hundred… frogs. No kidding.
To another reader who asked if we get porn here in Malaysia, the answer is NO if you’re using Asstro. However if you were to have one of them big guns installed (like the pics above), let me just say that everything is at the tip of your phallus fingers.
And then there’s the issue of reruns. I tuned in to StarWorld yesterday and due to the insane amount of reruns, I have to clench my anal muscle just so I don’t shit myself from feeling disgusted with that channel. Here are some of the reruns I remembered from just a span of 3 hours:
1) Arrested Development
2) Scrubs
3) 30 Rock
There’s also My Name Is Earl in between but I didn’t catch it so I’m not sure if there are reruns. What a great way to start the day eh, paying to watch shows I already watched half a year ago.
Here’s my suggestion to Asstro to reduce their level of suckiness:
1) Allow the user to programme the channels themselves since your DMT is that advance.
2) Let customers choose which channels they want instead of lumping them in packages, with channels we don’t want to have any shit with. Obviously a greedy scheme to milk more money from us by doing that you jerks.
3) NO MORE RERUNS(especially Frankenfish OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?)
Hey Ananda, if you’re reading this take note ok?
Astro Blows
I hate Astro. For those not living in Malaysia, Astro is a satellite television broadcast company that has recently gone homo with its channel arrangement. For that, I’m gonna give them a new name:
I came back home last week after spending almost 5 months in a god forsaken middle of nowhere and television deprived. After getting some rest, I turned on the TV to catch up on some good old fashioned mindless fun. I pressed 17, 50, 70 and 71 on Asstro’s remote and the only thing I got was ‘channel not found’. Wtf?
Apparently, some smarty ass in Asstro revamped the the channel guide when I wasn’t around. This just pisses me off. Before, I knew where every one of my channel is, 11 is Travel and living, 17 is AXN, 50 is Discovery, and 71 is MTV. Now every channel’s changed to a new slot which sucks ass because all channel now has 3 digits instead of 2.
What the hell’s wrong with those Asstro’s donkey raping shit eaters? Why must they changed something that worked? Maybe you’re saying “Unig, it’s just one extra digit. Maybe they have too much channels already and needed more numbers LOL!”. I did some calculations and found out that Asstro has a total of about 92 channels with all packages including shitty ones like Supersport that charged losers 500 bucks just so they can get live broadcast of the world’s most boring sport – cricket.
And I’ve also taken the liberty to exclude 17 digital radio channels because frankly, I don’t give a shit where they are placed. Hell, they can put all radio channels at channel 980 till 999 because I DON’T USE ASSTRO TO LISTEN TO RADIO. Instead I use this device called a RADIO. Only losers use TVs to LISTEN to RADIO.
Let’s not even start with the picture quality. Despite all the so-called digital broadcast, Asstro’s picture truly sucks plenty of asses. They are so shitty that Sony has to come up with an Astro Enhancement Mode for its Bravia line of High-Def TVs. In fact, most electronic stores refuse to use Asstro when doing demos with TVs because if they did it would be the television equivalent of watching your balls under a microscope. Lack lustre color, grainy picture, slow fps, and sometimes pixelated picture makes me wonder if I’m watching satellite TV or a pirated VCD. Don’t believe me? Try comparing terrestrial channels (TV1, TV2, TV3, NTV7) using normal VHF/UHF antenna to the TV1, 2, and 3 from Asstro.
I digressed; actually my beef with Asstro is still the shitty channel arrangement. Imagine this, say I want to change channels from Travel & Living to Discovery and then to MTV. With the old arrangement, I’d press 11, 50 and then 71 on the remote. Simple enough. But since Asstro drunk too much ass juice, doing the same thing would require me to press 707, 551, followed by 713. An extra 3 presses which waste time, energy (as in remote’s battery) and most often than not I’ll fumble with the buttons a few time before getting to the right channel.
I channel surf a lot; so on average I’ll switch channels about 2 or 3 times an hour. Do the math and you can see how much energy I wasted trying to figure out which channels to press and re-press because I fumble sometimes.
The most annoying of all has to be the re-runs. Don’t even get me started on this one. Half a year ago AXN showed Jumanji and NOW they’re showing it again even though TV2 had just screened it last week. They’re also doing re-runs for CSI and that’s just for AXN, god knows what other re-runs they’re doing in other channels. You’d probably say that Asstro doesn’t own most of the channels hence not being able to control what were broadcasted, but shouldn’t Asstro being one of the biggest CUSTOMER have any say in it?
And we’re paying for this shit? I wouldn’t have written this glowing review had Asstro not jack up its subscription rate at its whim that prompted me to cancel some of the packages. How’s that MiTV going on? Haven’t heard much of them.
Photography: Chancellory, library, arts faculty and a whole lot of panorama shots.
It’s been a while since I did a photo post which ironically is why this site was set up for in the first place. To chronicle about the stuffs I do and see, immortalized in the form of digital pixel clusters. I guess I was too caught up with ranting. Hmm, must start loosening the anal muscles a bit.
Moving on, here’s some shots I took about 2 months ago of my uni but never had the chance to put them up. You can skip this post if you don’t study or work in my uni. But if you’re up for some kick-ass photography with a simple P & S camera, by all means go ahead.
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The weather was nice, bright and sunny. It rained for a couple of weeks before, so it felt good to finally see blue skies and clouds the way they’re meant to be.
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The first of the panorama shots (click the pic for a bigger view). I still need to improve on this aspect though, there’s too much concaving effect. But hey, at least I managed to squeeze the 2 most recognizable landmarks – the water towers. I did a post on the towers before here and explained their freaky resemblance to KL tower and other landmarks.
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Click the pic for a bigger view
I noticed one way to reduce the concaving effect of panorama photos is to stitch less photos. In this case, I used 2. It’s still not perfect though. Can anyone give me some tips to improve it?
The lake you’re looking at is actually a man-made lake that lies smack in the middle of the uni. Look closely and you’ll notice some construction going on the right side. The lake is so large, they are building a suspension bridge to link some of the hostels(Cempaka, Bunga Raya, TAZ) to the other side, thus cutting traveling time and distance to the Engineering, Resource Science and Computer faculties.
Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe this would be the first suspension bridge in a public uni.
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A lot of buildings in the new campus are influenced by Zen-like design, no thanks to the Japanese architect who designed them. This circle is located just outside the library and overlooks the Chancellory. By the way, I took this pic when I saw a similar one on someone’s Flickr. I was inspired by him.
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More strange Japanese inspired architecture. Notice how the red pillar on the far right is below the white pillar that crosses diagonally? And the yellow pillar is on top of the white pillar while the blue pillar is separated from the rest.
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Pillars of knowledge. Corny, I know.
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The arts faculty which has the most interesting design by far. Like the rest of the uni, the fac is very big and long, stretching all the way to the back.
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Still the art faculty. I used the ‘diffuse glow’ function in photoshop.
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Reach for the skies! Wtf.
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A bigger view. Notice the circle (ring?) structure I mentioned earlier on the bottom right of the pic?
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Haha, you knew I would slip in a panorama shot once in a while right? I think the architect is obsessed with ring structures, cause here’s another ring thing that encircles the roof. Watched one too many Ring-O I believe.
And look at the second pillar from the left, the ones supporting the roof. Yeah, yeah I know. Bad stitching. I don’t wanna repair it though. Sometimes, somethings are meant to be imperfect.
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Last panorama shot, I promise and yes it’s clickable as always. The golf course they’re building right next to the uni and stretch all the way to my hostel. I wrote about it here before. I think I did a pretty good job with this one (3 pics).
AirAsia’s trannies scared the shit out of me
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“Dude, since when did they start hiring ah kuas* to be air-stewardesses?”
And so said an acquaintance of mine on my flight back to KL last Thursday. I’ve been taking flights on quite a frequent basis these past 4 years, about 5 to 6 times a year, but that last flight was quite an eye-opener (and a boner-reducing one I might add).
One of the stewardesses, the one mentioned above, erm how do I put this – looked totally not hot at all? Or womanly as a matter of fact. Which is fine, but it’s the looking-like-ah-kua part that gave me the jeepers. The make-up’s thick and multi-colored, almost like she used up an entire bookshop’s supply of Buncho watercolor. Obviously an attempt to cover-up the ah-kua-ish looks, but failed miserably, because it enhanced it even further. Sad to say, I’ve seen real trannies in Thailand who looked better. Even the aunty sitting next to me was scared and kept holding on to my sleeves the entire flight.
There’s a reason why they removed the ubiquitous slogan…
To this one. Not everyone can fly anymore if they start hiring more transvestite-look-alikes. At least not me.
Alright, before you feminists start taking off your bras and want to strangle me with them, let me explain first. To be a stewardess(or a steward) that person have to posses certain requirements, besides the usual ones like not getting air-sickness, know how to move and synchronize their hands during emergency procedure demo, and push the food trolley among others. But the most important one is this –> LOOK PLEASANT.
Now, this is not a rule made by me but one that is actually published in recruitment ads for flight attendants. The ‘looking pleasant’ requirement is to ensure that not every ah ci or ah kau gets to represent the company they’re working for. An analogy of this is this: I don’t have the looks of a model, which explains why I didn’t apply to be one get it?
There’s another stewardess in the flight who, according to said acquaintance, wore the tightest and shortest skirt possible probably to compensate for the lack of pleasantly looks. I had to agree with him though, seeing her visible pantie lines are a total turn off. The outfits shouldn’t be too tight to a point they seem like bursting at the seams. Maybe some people dig that, but definitely not me. I think they should have just the correct amount of tightness.
Ok, that last sentence doesn’t sound right. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I was almost rendered impotent after stepping out of that flight.
So, here’s my suggestion to AirAsia (since you didn’t give us suggestion forms for feedbacks): get rid of those stewardess that looked like a) transvestites, b) past their expiry dates and should be at home taking care of the kids. While we’re at it, get rid of those sissy-looking male stewards too. We the passengers need those who can help us in an emergency, not those who would crawl under the seats like a bunch of pussies.
Look, I’m doing you a favor here Tony. I mean c’mon, you don’t want your customers to think you’re trying to do the ‘no-frills’ thing so much that you have to resort to hiring transvestite look-alikes do you?
Hey don’t take it from me though; you should see (and hear) the screaming baby at the front seat whenever one of your stewardess approach her. I think the screaming and wailing is louder than the engines themselves. And that’s saying something since I was sitting in the middle right next to those thrusters.
Of course, I’m not saying you should sack them and deprive them of their livelihoods. No please, that’ll be too harsh. By all means, give them a raise instead.
But please let them be ground crews. Have mercy on passengers sitting near babies (and my hearings), please.
*ah kua = transvestite
22 weeks later…
These past couple of weeks has seen me spending a hell lot of time busting my ass at the workshop. I’m in the midst of constructing my super high tech prototype which, if it works properly, will reduce world hunger.
Failing that, at least it’ll help me to pass my Final Year Project 2. And score some chicks in the process, hopefully.
That thing on top isn’t plywood, it’s perspex/acrylic/plexiglass or whatever the shitty name they can come up with, though in essence, it’s only plastic.
I’ve spent a week cutting that 6′ x 4′ x 6mm piece of shit into several smaller pieces. I’ve beg my faculty countless times to get a laser cutter but being the thoughtful people that they are they gave me a jigsaw instead.
So, it’s only me, my muscles and the jigsaw that turned that Mr. Perspex into these:
You’re looking at RM400 worth of perspex cut into several smaller pieces. Cutting that piece of crap makes me feel like I’m in a B-grade movie, like the Saw.
I wanna play a game with you. WTF.
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Dudes, I can’t believe I’ve spent 22 weeks here in Sarawak already. While most of you pansies have already gone back to your hometown right after exam ended, like a month ago, I’ve made a commitment to my FYP and stayed back.
But then again, like every true marauder I still need to go back home, replenish my supplies and satisfy my harems.
The view from my bed in my home. Not hostel.
So, please excuse the author of this cool page as he go on a spiritual and physical enlightenment. I shall update this site if time permits.
I am so looking forward to seeing stewardesses in tight red uniforms who would occasionally press against me much to my enjoyment my flight.
Goodbye!
UniG - The blog your mama warned you about. 