Bako’s damn dirty apes

28 January, 2008 at 5:07 pm (Funny pics, Misc pics) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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Warning: This post (might)contain explicit images of monkeys participating in procreation activities and excessive use of profanities. If you are easily offended by materials of this nature please do not continue. Viewer’s discretion advised.

Other than that, have fun idiots!

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About a week after I posted this article, a certain smarty-pants told me that one of the monkey pictures contained questionable elements bordering on debauchery.

This is the picture in question:

 

Read the rest of this entry »

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Buy Acer’s products last.

24 January, 2008 at 9:59 am (Misc pics, Mumblings) (, , , , , , , , )

 

Update(25/1/08):

 

Now I know what ‘ACER’ really means:

 

Credits to commenter superweightkoalabear for the inspiration.

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Anyone of you remember that stupid jingle Acer used to play in radios and tv ads? You know, the one sung by a bunch of gay guys with equally queer voices and the lines went like this:

Acer is the best

High among the rest

Well, here’s a news flash for you Acer condescending son of bitches: you ain’t ever the best. Not 10 years ago and definitely not now or the foreseeable future. In fact, your product sucks so much you might as well stop making computers and start making vacuum machines. Or liposuction apparatus. Whatever.

Anyway, I’ve come up with a new jingle that I think bodes well with your current image and product line:

Acer sucks the most

Low among the shits

So what if it doesn’t rhyme assholes?

The reason I sound bitter about this Ace-wannabe company (hence the name Acer, getit?) because like any other Taiwanese brands (BenQ, TrendMicro, Jacky Wu, F4 etc) it has passable/meager design but absolutely terrible quality. Which made me wonder, were Acer’s assembly lines too busy giving each other ass-rimming instead of making good solid tangible products?

Like most other students hard up on cash and living on government loans, I (like millions others) were suckered in to buy an Acer branded laptop. Little did I know it would turn out to be one of my worst purchases ever.

Fast forward 2 years later, my laptop screen which wasn’t anything to cream about in the first place, started showing lines on the right side. FREAKING LINES! Those familiar with Thin Film Transistor Liquid Crystal Display would know that 99% of the time something like that occurs, it pretty much spells Nirvana Memorial Park for my display. And yeah, I purposely spell it full because it sounds cooler that way, even if it still sucks plenty of asses.

What’s worse is NEW lines keep appearing every week! Every time a new line appears, I felt like I was given triple wedgies on my candy ass. So much so I started developing a phobia to turn on my laptop for fear of new lines appearing and WHAM! hit my right at the crotch. I call it lapphobia.

Not to be confused with laponphobia which is the phobia of lap dancers.

Here’s a picture of my screen:

DON’T ask me why I took a picture instead of Print Screen cause that would make you look like a moron. Or someone who works in Acer.

Here’s an up skirt shot (close up la tiu):

 

If lines on the right side aren’t bad enough, the screen starts misfiring its pixels on the left side!

 

Not so clear on your screen right? Trust me, it’s crystal clear on mine (the misfiring I mean).

Now, now before you wankers start climbing on board the dumbass mobile and dismiss my case as a one in a million snafu, I’ve taken the liberty to conduct a survey of Acer laptop users among my colleagues in my university. I’ve compiled the results in an easy to read format and I’ve also thrown in a good dose of Fast Fourier Transform (FFT) in case some of you nerds question the validity of my survey.

 

Out of 8 people that I know who use Acer’s pathetic excuse of a laptop, 6 have had problems. That’s 6 out of 8 or a staggering 75% failure rate. And don’t you think just because you had an extended warranty you’re safe. Do you want a laptop that breaks down every few months? Think about the wasted time, money, energy spent going up and forth the service centre. One way or another, Acer is still gonna have your ass for dinner.

If you’re wondering how I solved my LCD screen predicament. Here’s how:

 

From a laptop, I am now a proud owner of…

 

A laptop-desktop hybrid. Great, I paid RM4000 to have the convenience of being tied to my table. Great going Acer.

If you ever wondered how it would feel like being a convict who gets gang-raped by his cellmates, you don’t need to go to prison to experience it. Just get yourself an Acer laptop! The feeling’s exactly the same.

 

More Acer hate sites: Acer Sucks1

Acer Sucks2

Acer Sucks3

Acer Sucks4

Acer Sucks on YouTube here and here.

 

 

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The irony of life.

21 January, 2008 at 5:13 pm (Filler) ()

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I was browsing through PPS today after class when I chanced upon this post. It was about the Nuffnang Traffic Jam Party something-something-I-dunno.

 

All the usual hype and gimmick kinda party from an advertising company. If I didn’t know better, I would say it was probably some kind of victory party over their arch nemesis – Advertlets, for what happened a couple of weeks ago.

 

 

But nah, they couldn’t be that bad. It’s just a youth get together event. I mean, they are good people.

 

But what caught my eyes was this picture:

 

 

pic courtesy of royalshortness

Can you see it? Maybe you should click the pic for a larger view. Damn, it must be very uncomfortable for those two. Just imagine how awkward it was. I mean look at the smiles. Even the perspex I was handling at workshop today felt more real. And check out the distance.

 

You don’t touch me, I don’t touch you. Even our clothes shouldn’t touch. No way.

 

If you still don’t get it, maybe you should ask him or her. I’m sure they’ll be glad to answer 😉

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On another note, I’m gonna lower my standards and strip away my dignity to do what every blogger seems to be doing nowadays. That is to get down on my knees and beg for ads on my site.

Oi Tim, where are my ads?

Oh ya, how can I forget? I posted this picture a couple of weeks ago:

 

Dang!

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The REAL leng luis of Sarawak (takde tipu punya)

18 January, 2008 at 11:03 am (Misc pics) (, , , , , , , )

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Update #1: The unassuming title has triggered a massive amount of traffic after pinging. Says a lot about you people. Hamsap.

 

Update #2: Heard rumors from Sarawak’s Tourism Board and Immigration Department confirming there was an influx of horny Peninsular Malaysia males to the state after this article was put up. AirAsia was also rumored to be taking advantage of this situation by increasing the number of flights to Kuching.  Way to go, Tony!

 

After posting this article last Monday, I received quite a lot of flak from friends(especially Sarawakians) who claim that what I wrote and the pictures shown were totally not fair and unjust to Sarawak’s population of pretty girls.

Some even threatened to kick my ass all the way back to Peninsular Malaysia if I don’t do a follow up post to rectify this so called ridiculousness that I created. They even claimed that my post had hurt Sarawak’s tourism industry so much so that people had developed a phobia towards this state thinking that the female population has decreased to such a low level that trannies have effectively taken over the state.

Then there was this not-so-silent threat to force-feed me RAW sago worms (my favorite actually) if I don’t TELL THE WHOLE WORLD HOW PRETTY SARAWAKIAN GIRLS ARE.

Should ask a_giu about this. He’s the one with the Sarawakian girlfriend. 😉

Alright, without further a due, I’ve been forced taken the liberty to showcase the ‘finer’ side of the Land of Hornbills. I’ve searched high and low(from my hard disk) to present you – Sarawak’s leng luis:

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Typical Sarawakian office workers. This picture might mislead you to believe that these women were on sale when in fact they were. I mean they were selling their skills as accountants, secretary, office work etc etc la! What are you thinking?

Taken with a camera phone inside a car hence I only managed a back shot. Hmmm… I do have to admit I have a thing for women in black panty hoses. This pic is old, taken in 2005 which explains the chemically straightened hair. I believe the current trend now is curly ala maggi mee kolok mee (*Update).

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Taken on top of Pohon Mas in my uni with a camera phone, again. This picture doesn’t do her justice cause she’s not bad looking at all. Please ignore the buffoon on the right.

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Haha, another back(side) shot. My friend took this btw, at Tun Jugah. He said he took this pic cause the girl on the left was wearing a white skirt so shear and transparent, not only can he make out the color of her panties, he can also discern the shape! Who said Kuching girls are boring?

Some shots from the Rainforest Musical thing:

 

That’s a sape they were playing.

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Some traditional dance. I have a lot more pics in my possession, but I’m not going to post up pics of Sarawak girls in bikinis, lingerie etc etc. Not the right thing to do.

Often times, when I go back to Peninsular, my friends would always ask me how a native Sarawakian girl looks like. They wanna know how pretty is an Iban girl, or Bidayuh, Melanau, Kayan, Penan etc. So, to shut their mouth, here you go:

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Ok ka?

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The origin of the name that nobody cares about

16 January, 2008 at 9:16 pm (Uncategorized) ()

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Question of the day:

How do you guys pronounce this site? It’s a company specializing in making photo voltaic cells. I found out 2 ways of saying it from the Fake Steve Jobs site – mee-ah-so-LAY dot com or MyAsshole.com.

I’m rooting for the latter though.

I don’t think I can continue writing anymore without clearing some questions first, especially after getting some nasty mails from people threatening to rape my beloved Olympus FE-115. Apparently some people are dissatisfied with my ‘About Me’ section and demanded to know more about the genius behind this blog (joke ok?). So to clear any doubts I’m going to put it in an easy-to-read FAQ format:

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Why UniG?

Why not?

Just kidding. A lot of people thought it was some lame-ass name meant to sound like unique(I think it does, in some foreign language) but the truth is far from it. The name is actually an abbreviation of my university’s theme songUni*** Gemilang. Yes I still refuse to spell the name of my uni because I don’t want it to appear in any search engine when queried. Not because I write anything bad about them, just that I don’t like the feeling of being scrutinized by any authorities.

I go by 2 handles – one for this blog which I’m sure most of you already know now. Another one is my real nickname which I use every time I leave a comment at your site. Hope this clears any confusion now.

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What course are you taking?

What’s the other name for your car’s motor, the one that moves the car? Add the suffix –ering to it, then figure it out. It’s that easy.

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Why wordpress? Are you against commercialization, ads on blogs, etc?

One of the main reason I started blogging IS because I wanted to earn money from ads. Everyone was saying how easy it was, there’s Nuffnang, Advertlets, Google Adsense, Pay-Per-Post and etc. What can I say? I got suckered in.

So I registered with WordPress, because it seems that all the cool people were blogging on that platform. Too many people were already blogging with blogspot and I wanted to try another platform. But there’s just one tiny problem – WordPress doesn’t allow me to put ads on my site! Unless I upgrade which means having to pay money or else I won’t be able to change the HTML. I tried tinkering with the widgets but nothing worked. Bummer. Should have used blogspot instead haha.

But it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t mind not earning a single cent from blogging because all the blogging tools I use are free – WordPress, Flickr, Photobucket, YouTube. And I don’t have to worry about stuffs like PageRank, fulfilling any quotas or be pressured to churn out posts just to keep viewership up. Now, I’ll just write what I want to and when I want to. No obligations, no pressures at all.

Let me clear this though, I have nothing against my fellow friends/bloggers who makes money out of their site(s). It’s their right and a matter of preference. I’m not a rich person, and earning money from blogging would probably help me a bit but I don’t wanna write glowing reviews about some products or services that I myself have never tried before. And worst is I might actually recommend something crappy just because I get paid to write about it. And let’s admit it, when you get paid to review something, no matter how shitty it is you’ll still ended up sugar coating it because of MONEY.

Interestingly, I once read a post about the effect of diabetes on a blogger’s loved ones and how devastating it was to him. Ironically there was an ad for Coke and fatty fast food right next to it on the side bar.

Brings the meaning of capitalism to a whole new level, eh?

So, rest assured that whatever review I did will be based on my experience and I’ll write it as honest as I could. Promise.

More of my thoughts on blog advertisements here.

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Why do you have to put a ‘Shot with Olympus FE-115′ banner in your posts?

A lot of people asked me what equipment I use, so I put up the banner whenever I post pictures taken with my FE. It’s also my way of saying how the el cheapo FE pwns all other equipment especially those expensive and big ones that still take mediocre pics.

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Why are you anonymous? Why don’t you show us a picture of yourself?

Read this. I have shown pictures of myself before here. Well, technically I did.

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Can I use any of the materials from your blog like articles you’ve written, pictures, videos and etc?

Read this. So yeah, that means you can use any of the materials published in my site created by me as long as you credit me and no editing is allowed. But remember, I only allow them to be used for non-commercial purposes only. If you are earning from your site (advertisements, etc.) then you are absolutely not allowed to utilize any of my materials. If you still want to use them, ask for permission first – unigmas[at]yahoo[dot]com

My pictures are usually watermarked. Those that aren’t are normally obtained from other sources. So are the occasional music files. Feel free to use those.

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Do you use Photoshop on your pictures?

Yes, some of them. I use PS to watermark my pictures, do some color correction and contrast adjustments. The software did exist for a reason you know. However, I DO NOT super-impose or add anything that doesn’t belong there in the first place.

This however, doesn’t apply to pictures that I purposely spruce up for comical/humor reasons.

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Are you a Sarawakian?

No.

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Why aren’t you writing anything about politics?

My understanding of politics is as much as my understanding of Fluid Mechanics which is around 5%. Go figure.

This is by far the most political piece I’ve written. And here’s the continuation.

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What’s your astrological sign/zodiac?

Astrology is utter horse radish. I don’t believe it. Tell me, how is it possible to group 6 billion+ people into just 12 different signs and personalities. Does that mean there are only 12 types of people in the world? That is crap.

Saddam Hussein and U2’s Bono happen to be Tauruses. Do you see Bono running around poisoning villages with WMDs? Wake up and smell the shit people.

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Oh, I’m Aries by the way ;-)

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Well, I guess that’s it. Anymore questions?

One more thing, the author reserves the right not to answer questions he deems inappropriate ( i.e: length of private parts, involvements with the CIA, his weird taste for cincaluk etc etc you get the drift.)

And what better way to end this post than a picture of the author himself:

 

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Last minute studying, typical of me.

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