It’s been that long?

3 May, 2008 at 9:39 am (Funny pics, Uni pics) (, , , , , , , , , )

Yeah yeah I know I haven’t updated in about a month (which feels like a decade in cyber space) but can you blame me? These past few weeks had been one hell of an endless barrage of deadlines and academic assaults on my poor mind; starting with a kick in the crotch from overdue assignments, followed up with a nice head chop from FYP, and ending perfectly with some deep anal fisting from Final Exams. Speaking of which, finals haven’t actually ended, yet. Damn.

By the way, just for the excuse of dusting off the dirt from my wordpress/photobucket dashboards, I’m gonna show you some pics that are guaranteed to stoke that inner pervasive fantasy of yours my dear readers. Oh don’t you deny it, from my console I can pretty much see that half of my visitors arrived here searching for animal porn eh? AND PUT THAT KY JELLY DOWN! Hahaha!

So, the story goes like this… I followed a friend’s car out to dinner (or was it lunch? I dunno cause I don’t care as long as there’s food). As soon as I step into his car, I was immediately hit with the overpowering smell of sweet animal lust. But couldn’t be what? He doesn’t have any pets in his car, so where did that smell come from?

I searched high and low, hoping to get a glimpse of those darn copulating animals but they were no where to be found. That is until some dark aura lured my wandering vision to the dashboard. The dashboard! Of cause… how can I be so blur to ignore the vibe coming from there? So here I present you, pics of debaucheries on the dashboard:

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Ok, here comes the clincher – since Sylvester (the one on top) is a cat and the receiver at the bottom is a koala (I assume) can this still be considered doggy style? Hahaha!

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THE TAIL! Check out the tail! Mua ha ha ha ha!

p/s: No animals (stuffed or otherwise) were harmed during the photo shoot.

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Have you ever hear the saying – every cloud has a silver lining? I used to think that was crap, probably something an old drunk geezer would pull out of his ass after one too many Johnie Walker. That is until I saw it with my own eyes:

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Can you see it?

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p/p/s: A special shout out to a medical student/ future doctor. Oi kawan! Hehe…

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This should have been the product of the century.

30 March, 2008 at 3:30 pm (Funny pics) (, , , , , , , )

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Do you know how a hat/cap with pockets look like? Something like this:

 

Yup, looks like those boring kinda hat you see old geezers wear to go fishing eh? So uncool especially if you happen to be a hip and happening youngster (like yours truly) who’s wish is to just have some extra storage space on his cap.

But behold, salvation is finally here. Look at this product I spotted on The Onion’s website! Pure genius I’d have to say:

 

The Visor.ganizer – Use Your Head and Stay Organized!™ Get it here.

Though the product somehow sounded like Vagina.ganizer, I still think it’s a pretty damn good concept. In fact anything that sounds like a woman’s reproductive organ is usually a fine thing. Ehem, it’s a compliment by the way (shields face from rotten tomatoes thrown by bra-burning ultra-feminists).

To be frank, seeing this product gave me such a tantalizing feel, I can almost feel the instant hard-on coming back to me since the last time I experienced it watching Jessica Alba in the Fantastic Four sequel. Just looking at it’s power-packed features alone would leave people with extreme lack of storage drooling in each other’s saliva:

1. Carry up to 7 lbs. with 4 handy storage areas. Like woah! Now you can carry things you never imagine before on your head, like your laptop! Maybe a fridge too.

2. Turns your hat into another pocket. Your hat will no longer be a garment to shield your face from the hot sun or hide you bald head, it is now ANOTHER POCKET! Holy shit!

3. As safe and secure as the hat on your head. Since whatever you’re carrying with the Visor.ganizer is always and let me repeat always within your eyesight, you can be sure no one would wanna try and steal your shits. I mean, how many cases of hat snatching have you ever heard off?

Ok admittedly, point no. 3 doesn’t seem too strong because unlike in western country, there is the threat of those asshole Mat Rempits here, who upon seeing the popularity of Visor.ganizer, might switch from snatching women’s handbags/gold necklaces to snatching people’s hats! Together with whatever they store in them! Damn those piss drinking shit eating hell riders.

So, to reduce this problem I’ve come up with my own superb design. One that could solve this hat snatching predicament forever (hopefully). Feast your eyes on this and start quivering bitches:

 

I doubt even the most hardcore mat rempit would dare to snatch this 100 pound safe/hat combo. Now you can store all your money, checks, ID, drier’s license, Evian water, some gold bullions maybe, and even your lunch on your head. And they’re all protected safely by a 2 inch thick steel confinement. Imagine how suave you would look with that glistening knob on the safe complimenting your stylish Oakleys.

The only drawback I guess is might you need a neck as thick as an oak tree trunk to wear my version of Visor.ganizer.

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Weirdest moment at Starbucks.

26 February, 2008 at 9:19 pm (Funny pics) (, , , , , )

As you all know, Starbucks are considered as higher class cafés here in Malaysia even though they’re pretty ubiquitous in western countries. Higher class? Hmm, maybe. But definitively higher priced compared to our own ubiquitous kopitiams all over the country.

Imagine, a cup of latte from Starbucks would buy you hmm say 6 or 7 cups of kopi-O kaw from your neighborhood kopitiam? Some might argue that Starbucks serve delicious drinks but come on la, who are you kidding? Most probably you go there so you can brag to your kopitiam buddies of how tasty that dunno-what-mocha-frappucino-Javanese-beans-chocolate-chips-blend you had than those piss they’re drinking, don’t you?

But then again, most Malaysians have a tendency to adore whatever shit that came from western pop culture/lifestyles. So, bring those cut-throatingly expensive mass manufactured capitalist ventures in!

Anyway, the purpose of this post s not to diss Starbucks (although at this point I sounded like I did) but to share my weirdest moment yet at one of their outlets (Kuching airport). This incident happened on the day I went back home for the CNY holidays.

One of my friends tapau-ed (took away) chap fan so he can eat them in his room. What’s a chap fan? Basically it’s economy mixed rice that you can get for about RM 3 or less. I’m too lazy to explain further but if you wanna know further, read Cheesie’s post on chap fan.

By the way, a cup of Starbuck’s mocha frap could buy you 4 packets of chap fan. That’s 4 packets to feed 4 people!

Faith has it that he couldn’t eat the chap fan because he had some business elsewhere. But obviously he can’t let the food rot and fester in his room when it’s time for us to depart to the airport, right? So he brought the chap fan together with him to the airport.

When we reached the airport, some of us suggested that we hang out at Starbucks first since we’re still early for our flight. The guy who brought the chap fan along decided that he was too full as he just had lunch with his girlfriend. And whadayaknow, another person didn’t have his lunch.

And hence, the weirdest moment recorded on camera at Starbucks:

 

Hmm hmm! Nothing like washing down a pack of scrumptious chap fan with a cup of mocha frap.

 

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The Amazing Race Asia 2: The good, the bad and the bitches.

9 February, 2008 at 7:59 pm (Funny pics, Misc pics, Mumblings) (, , , , , , , , )

Alright, this is not a review of The Amazing Race Asia 2 (henceforth known as TARA2) but a rather cynical view of the show based on my perceptive observation. Anyone of you crybabies wanna accuse me of slander or lying about their favorite teams, please run back to your mommies or buy some tampons.

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1. The Good: A hell lot of babes.

What can I say, the producers of TARA2 obviously wasn’t sleeping on the job anymore (unlike TARA1). When I first watch TARA1 I thought what the hell? With the exception of the Philippines team of Aubrey and Jacq, the rest of the contestants looked more like they’re going to the fish market then going for a globe-trotting competition! Seriously, they ALL scream AUNTIES on their foreheads.

But TARA2 is different, almost all the females (excluding Marc & Rovilson, they’re bitches) were HOT. Let me run down the list of hotties here – Monica (actress, Miss Chinese International Pageant), Kinaryosih (actress, model)

 

That’s Kinaryosih on the right. Bret is one lucky son of a bitch. I found another hotter pic of Kinar:

 

Slurps…

  Read the rest of this entry »

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PAS says ‘Selamat Tahun Baru Cina 2008’ and my first politically inspired CNY card.

6 February, 2008 at 12:41 pm (Funny pics, Misc pics) (, , , , , , )

My mom went shopping the other day and came back with what looked like the kind of plastic bag that terrorists would use to conceal bombs. On closer inspection it did look kind of normal:

 

I asked where she got it from. She said there was a stall near the mall, y’know kind of like a palm-reading stall with big flags all over. The flag was green with a gigantic splat of white splat in the middle. Then I said “ohhhhh, yah yah I know those buggers. So nice hor, they still very thoughtful to give out stuffs this festive season.”

 

But before I could even say ‘Muhibah’ some kid nearby went all psycho and spear me right at the crotch while hissing the words “election is near you idiot!” That pretty much jolted me back to reality (while holding my jewels).

A closer inspection of the plastic bag reveals 2 things; a CNY greeting card courtesy of your very friendly election hopeful and 2 mandarin oranges. Since my house is already overflowing with oranges already I’ve decided to give those 2 oranges to my Malay neighbor.

Why give them away? You can say I’m paranoid but I sure as hell ain’t gonna eat anything from people with ulterior motives (be it from opposition or government). Think nasi kangkang but in this case it’s more appropriate to call it oren kangkang. And since my neighbor is from Kelantan, I’m sure he wouldn’t have any qualms about eating them (whether or not they were laced with crotch juice is a different matter).

Let’s take a look at the card:

 

Like woah! These dudes have certainly put a lot of effort in the ass licking wooing voters part. Not bad at all considering that the ruling party isn’t even doing anything similar other than pissing people off. Or was it just my area?

 

Wow! After reading this card, I am so moved I can literally feel my balls quivering (or was it tingling?) with joy. I am so gonna vote for the opposition this coming election. Yipee!

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Just kidding.

Anyway, I’m neither anti-opposition nor pro-government. It’s just that they all have their own personal agenda which most of the time seems to benefit them rather than us rakyats. The only similarity I can see are the constant ass-licking and crotch grabbing come election day.

Ok time to cut the crap. I’m wishing all my readers a Happy Chinese New Year.

 

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Another one? Ok, why not?

 

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Another one, for your viewing pleasure:

I’m getting ridiculous.

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