This should have been the product of the century.
.
Do you know how a hat/cap with pockets look like? Something like this:
Yup, looks like those boring kinda hat you see old geezers wear to go fishing eh? So uncool especially if you happen to be a hip and happening youngster (like yours truly) who’s wish is to just have some extra storage space on his cap.
But behold, salvation is finally here. Look at this product I spotted on The Onion’s website! Pure genius I’d have to say:
The Visor.ganizer – Use Your Head and Stay Organized!™ Get it here.
Though the product somehow sounded like Vagina.ganizer, I still think it’s a pretty damn good concept. In fact anything that sounds like a woman’s reproductive organ is usually a fine thing. Ehem, it’s a compliment by the way (shields face from rotten tomatoes thrown by bra-burning ultra-feminists).
To be frank, seeing this product gave me such a tantalizing feel, I can almost feel the instant hard-on coming back to me since the last time I experienced it watching Jessica Alba in the Fantastic Four sequel. Just looking at it’s power-packed features alone would leave people with extreme lack of storage drooling in each other’s saliva:
1. Carry up to 7 lbs. with 4 handy storage areas. Like woah! Now you can carry things you never imagine before on your head, like your laptop! Maybe a fridge too.
2. Turns your hat into another pocket. Your hat will no longer be a garment to shield your face from the hot sun or hide you bald head, it is now ANOTHER POCKET! Holy shit!
3. As safe and secure as the hat on your head. Since whatever you’re carrying with the Visor.ganizer is always and let me repeat always within your eyesight, you can be sure no one would wanna try and steal your shits. I mean, how many cases of hat snatching have you ever heard off?
Ok admittedly, point no. 3 doesn’t seem too strong because unlike in western country, there is the threat of those asshole Mat Rempits here, who upon seeing the popularity of Visor.ganizer, might switch from snatching women’s handbags/gold necklaces to snatching people’s hats! Together with whatever they store in them! Damn those piss drinking shit eating hell riders.
So, to reduce this problem I’ve come up with my own superb design. One that could solve this hat snatching predicament forever (hopefully). Feast your eyes on this and start quivering bitches:
I doubt even the most hardcore mat rempit would dare to snatch this 100 pound safe/hat combo. Now you can store all your money, checks, ID, drier’s license, Evian water, some gold bullions maybe, and even your lunch on your head. And they’re all protected safely by a 2 inch thick steel confinement. Imagine how suave you would look with that glistening knob on the safe complimenting your stylish Oakleys.
The only drawback I guess is might you need a neck as thick as an oak tree trunk to wear my version of Visor.ganizer.
UniG - The blog your mama warned you about. 